Got a toothbrush?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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