Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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