You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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