i just had sex bonerless
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
