so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's the barista slut.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
