Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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