I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
