He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
