But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
