Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
