I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
