oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
