i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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