I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
