Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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