Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
