Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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