The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
