dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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