cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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