I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
