i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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