sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize