apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
