when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize