I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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