he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
