Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
