his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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