"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
