the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
