somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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