1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
