I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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