It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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