just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
