Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And then he peed in my hair
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