I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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