Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
