So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
