She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
