Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
