i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
