so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
