i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
