Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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