he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
