Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
