Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
