Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize