Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i think i just lost a toe
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
