i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize