went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
