Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
