I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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