And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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