that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
