standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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