I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
