"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
