one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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