So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pants are for mortals
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
