I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
