I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize