I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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