and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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